Adventure to the desert

 Its true that you have to open your palms wide, let go of what you have and what you know to receive something new.
New things mean change and change is never easy. It requires courage. it requires us to rise to the challenge and step out of our comfort zone in order to gain something better. Despite the reward promised at the end of the long process, we still remain hesitant to make the first step towards making a chnge
Why is she talking about change; you may ask. Today marks my first month in the Kenyan dessert.
That marks the biggest change I've ever made in my life. I took a leap of faith and somehow found myself sitted in a crowded country bus heading to a destination I knew nothing of other than its really dry , hot and full of people dying from malnutrition; I was wrong.

With every bump and every sharp corner or steep slope I kept on asking myself ; am I doing the right thing? Everyone kept telling me that nothing was worth the desert conditions but my defiant spirit wanted to prove them wrong even though I was never sure of anything.

After nine hours of a harrowing journey, I reached my destination.
While I was used to lush carpet grass from the hilly Uasin Gishu region. I was welcomed with a gust of sandy wind and a cushion of coarse sand under my feet. No grass was in sight.
While I was used to air conditioned shopping malls and fancy food joints all I could see were rows of dusty items in dingy buildings they called supermarkets and the only food joints were those selling differently cooked goat meet or "pilau" from our Muslim brothers.

The desert town is packed with speeding motorcycles with no regard for traffic rules but hey its almost like a ghost town (read lawless) as far as traffic rules are concerned. Its the one place where its safer for a pedestrian to walk in the middle of the road than on the far side.

Its been three months now and I have been dancing to the desert tune since then and getting better by the day. I can say am glad I took a step to the unknowne next till the adventure comes.

Kenyan Life

every day we toil
from sun rise to sunset
we plaster a smile on
and brave the wild world
we are grateful for tiny blessings
we cushion the scattered bumps
ahead we forge
with the hope of a better future
we get pulled back
every now and then
we fall on our bums
but like a phoenix we rise
we rise we rise we rise
we shake the dust off and move on
its the only way we know

Good Bye

I remeber that sad morning,
When we choose to walk our different paths,
The sun mourned with me,
And the cold weather mirrored my broken beart,
Every step I took,
Shattered the already broken pieces,
I braved the cold as I willed my tears not to fall,
I held my head high and fought to walk staight,
I smiled and waved goodbye,
I was dying inside.
I could not fathom,
Why I was not enough?
Why did you say the things you said?
Then burst my bubble,
And let me tumble from the ninth cloud to hell?
I loved you but that was all in vein.
I hope that one day I will forget you,
But until then I hope you remain in my unconsious mind

posted from Bloggeroid

Falcon

In the depth of the abbys a falcon rose,
Strong, regal, beautiful- a sight to behold
A long cry from what was
A broken bird,
On the brim of sure death,
Eyes glazed with defeat,
A faltering cry,
A quiet wail for help,
A fledging spirit on the verge of giving up,
Then a tiny flame of resolve flickers
Flickers and burns bright
A resolve to restore
The true beauty of a falcon
A beauty robbedby arrogance and malevolence,
A trench of emotional turmoil,
Dug out by continous flow of scathing undertones,
Countinous undertones that eventually break,
Even hard rocks gives way to strong waves,
But no more,
Feathers preened,
Beautiful, firm and elegant
Perching with the head held high like on a pedestal,
A sure sign of defiance and strength,
She is a falcon after all

posted from Bloggeroid

Jesus the Bearer of Hope

It is silent now on that ugly hill,
The mocking crowds have gone their way
And mourning friends, who had followed him,
In grief had laid their Lord away.

His disciples meet behind closed doors,
In unbelief, sorrow and fear,
Their hopes have fled in the days just past,
And the pain seems too much to bear.

In their dark room filled with pain,
With unbelief sorrow and fear,
Suddenly came the risen Lord,
And drove away every tear.

To the weary heart in a room thats
Closed by fear, sorrow, doubt and pain,
The saviour comes with his loving touch,
And brings hope and piece again.

How sweet his voice that brings such peace,
That lets us know anew,
That though our path is often hard,
He is with us to see us through

posted from Bloggeroid

SUPER MUMS

So today I went to my mums office all worked up and bitter about everything that sucked in life. Starting with Westgate Mall  saga to my under paying job. I was mad at myself for not being so successful two years after my graduation and I felt she was not doing her best to help me get a better job since she knew so many powerful people. She looked at me rumbling without saying a thing but I suddenly saw the sadness in her eyes and the anguish she tried to hide and I immediately became ashamed.

I looked at her and noticed my handbag was new and gleaming while she was carrying her old bag from years back. I was so ashamed for my earlier outburst and wanted to hug her but people were there waiting to be served. Here was a woman who had sacrificed many things in life so that I didn't lack anything. I went to private schools and to a parallel program in the university. Here was a woman who was carrying an old bag probably because she is still paying for the loans she took to send me to school. The shame I felt couldn't allow me to look at her in the eyes.

As if that wasn't enough, she took me for lunch to this really nice hotel in town and quietly told me that seeing me sad only added to her anguish of seeing me slave in a job that didn't pay me well enough knowing that I was hard working and bright. ' You are still young, be patient something great will come your way soon' she said this while holding my hand before we parted ways.

I went home counting my blessings and I noticed that I was running out of fingers to count. All these were because of her but sometimes I get so caught up in my own world that i forget about the people who have been there for me through thick and  thin. Real heroes and heroines like my mother. 

FREEDOM LONG LOST

Freedom

That’s what I wish for

It’s what I yearn for everyday

I have been a slave for too long

Round and round I go

This ride is now monotonous

I have  pride no more

All my actions are dictated

By this prison I am in

I long for relief

But none is forth coming

I try every day I try

But I lose

Every day I lose

I can handle no more loss

But I stand with my hands on the bar

Watching everything walk away

I am too proud to ask for help

I shout for it but no one seems to hear

I remain behind bars

Bitter and resentful every day

Somebody come and break me out

I need freedom

I got none at the bottom of the bottle

LIFE IN 2013

It is heading towards the end of the year. It is that month every Kenyan hates for one reason or another. well for me it's the extreme cold. Its such a bummer. For the country though, it is the month known for many national disasters both natural and man made (Don't get me wrong I am not a pessimist). May God protect us all through this dark month.

I was so glad when 2012 was ending. This year seemed so pregnant with hope and I was sure I was destined for greater heights before it came to an end(talk of hopeless enthusiasm... i blame it on the festivities.).  This is not to say that 2013 has been a total flop after all every good story must have a dark moment before the happy ending. Well mine is still being written and I am sure of a happy ending.

Am I where I wanted to be??? Not entirely but I am surely headed there. At least now I can say I a proud tenant and not mummy's little girl sleeping in the good old room filled with Neyo's posters; a strong reminder of my teenage crush. That was a good moment.

Then there was that day of awesomeness when my lovely sister walked down the aisle. I have been so proud of a person in my life. Being one of her maids was an honor too what can I say am a sucker for dresses that show off my long legs. I still remember aching the following day from all the dancing that and one hell of a hangover (I guess they were right in saying tequila is not a girls best friend). Oh and the cakes of course who doesn't like them.

My two little nephews Alvan and Nate. They are my heart's pride. They give the name Aunt a whole new meaning. The way their little lips curve into a smile when they see me never fails to make my heart fill with joy. Or the way they rest their tiny heads on my chest when they are tired or sleepy. They give the word love a whole new meaning. My friends always tell me to get my own children they don't understand that even if they were my own, I couldn't love them more.

 Finally my good friends. Always there to make life more interesting. Talk of good old house parties invited or not. You are always guaranteed to have a good time. I don't know if it is the cold food or the crazy xbox games or  the girls giving lap dances to the host. Then is the road trips you go for but end up getting lost  and you end up five counties away.

I can't really say the year has been smooth sailing all through. There is always that opportunity you lost or that person who made you mad. There is always that thing you feel could have turned out better or a day where everything seems to be going to hell. All this is part of life. It teaches us t appreciate the good times when have them and the courage to press through the hard ones. Like a good friend ones told me you may not be where you wanted to be but thank God you are not where you used to be

A DAMNED WORLD

Whispers are carried in the wind
Pleas of help and redemption
A prayer of the weak
A cry of the opressed
On the deserted streets you pass
Hungry children plead with you
With large eyes devoid of hope
The night is laden with pleas
Of a thief sorrounded by an angry mob
I did'nt mean to steal he cries
My pregnant wife needs medication
It is a damned world
Filled with people living damned lives
The sun no longer shines
The rays have been obscured
By the sadness of lost souls young and old

posted from Bloggeroid

Respect my Hustle

I see you
Yes you
With your haughty eyes
And you spiteful smile
You hide yourself in fancy clothes
And drive flashy cars
You  dine in lavish restaurants 
And sleep in water beds
Then you think you are a better human being than me
You look down on me
Like the poop on the side walk
You look at my clothes and cringe in distaste
I hold my head high as i walk
And you ask yourself
What is she so proud of????
You laugh as I budget to the last coin
All you do is make a call
Then you say poor her
And I think
Poor you
what I have is mine
I worked for it with my intelect and my skill
Not on my back with my legs in the air
It may be a skill yes but one that fades
Or till the next one comes
So go on and laugh
I will have the last laugh

modern day slavery

she lays her head to rest
fatigue catching up at last
like she knew it would
she longs for relief
but non is in sight
long gone are the days
when evenings were a time for rest
toiling everyday 
with little thanx from anyone
little returns will not justify
her sweat and toil
she labors on
there is really no choice
she wakes and sighs
hope tomorrow is a better day
for now she slaves

Toast

A toast to me
To the love that never was
To the hopes that died
To the memories I cheriesh
To the laughs I had
To the tears I shed
To the secrets I hold
To the strengths I enjoyed
To the struggles I overcame
To the dream I still hold
To the future unkown to me

To me
To the women like me

posted from Bloggeroid

LOST IN GHOST TOWN

I wake to take a walk,
Only to find myself in lost town,
A street only filled with emptiness,
Only the mourning wind breaks the silence,
I turn a corner and catch a fleeting movement,
The last piece of myself gone with it,
People I knew vanished from my life,
Taking their trust like hikers bag on their backs,
Turning round I see my scattered reflections,
On dusty and broken windows,
A shadow of what I think I was,In what was once a thriving town,
I want to go back,
But the streets turn into a maze,
Every turn I take is dead end,
The walls too tall to climb over,
I scream for help,
I only get echos of my own voice,
Over and over again,
I think I see a face in a window,
I take a second look but its gone,
I long to hear a different voice,
The howling wind seem to be mocking my loneliness,
My energy is all spent ,
I fall to the ground and hope to dream,
Of where I was  once,
Of who I used to be