Bon voyage

Today is a bleak day for us
Don't be sad if you are watching
It's only natural we mourn your passing
If you can see us don't be saddened by out tears
Its just a sign of the love you put in our hearts
It only shows that you will be missed
Its the wish that we met more often
Its the goodbye we never had a chance to say
So smile if you watching us
All who will gather today
Are people whose lives you touched
A husband, a son, and a grandson
A brother, a cousin an uncle and friend
You gave us your all
We can only say thank you
So rest in peace Dan
Your time with us was a blessing 
We will always miss you

The First

I love and i lost

I found the other part of me and I let it go

All those memories keep me company everyday

Even when i crave solitude

Sometimes they make me blush

Sometimes they make smile

Sometimes they make me angry

Sometimes I just don't know

I still dream of you

I still remember your scent

You were the very best

And I still let you go 

Whatever paths our lives take

You will always be my first love

 

Happy

My eyes shine with  happiness

My feet are quick to dance

Sounds of mirth escape my lips all day

My heart has never been this light

My being is in in a secret 

One that i know not of 

So I take this chance to swirl

And be happy

Cause for the first time ever

I feel i am home

Kenyan Heros

The lay under the foreign sun
Beneath the scorching sun
Their mourns echoing in the desolate valley
All waiting to breathe their last

Away went the smoking guns
Bobbling up and down on the herders back
Desperate tears and heart felt pleas
Of broken fathers and scared sons
Bounced off on a hardened heat

There they lay
Knowing death was certain
But still hoping for a chance
To say I'm sorry
To say I care
To say thank you
To say good bye

On foreign soil their blood seeped
They died for their country
Alone in a forsaken valley

HOW?

Anger is all i feel

Pure searing anger

How can you say llife is fair?

How can you ask me to hold on to my pride

How?

I have none left

How can I?

He danced while I cried

He swirled and turned in merriment

When I was sniffing and blowing my nose sore

I stayed awake weeping

He was awake chasing Njeri Chebet and Awuor

I remained faithful to the end

He was faithful to being a mans man

How can you ask me to let it go?

How?

Anger is all i feel

When I remember how stupid my innocence was

When I remember how loyal I was

I feel stupid thinking how pathetic I seemed

To all his friends who new 

Ignorance is not bliss

How can can it be?

How?

How can you say life is fair 

When he gallops away into the sunset

And disappears into the horizon of domestic bliss

While  I am left picking pieces of myself

Still wondering how a person can be so heartless

And yet you say life is fair

How?

Where is karma when you need it?

Marriage

It was meant to be a victory
But all this is a mockery
What happened to the bravery
They promised a tantalizing mystery
It all turned out to be misery

It all starts with the promises
then the betrayals in the premises
not even sparing the offices
It was all written on the notices

They laugh at the brokeness
They say its the stupid innocence
They claim all the naughtiness
Is just a part of the business

Its not for all this marriage
Neither is it for weak hearts this carriage
It demands only courage
Not a soul with a bandage
Otherwise it only be bondage

posted from Bloggeroid

Cycle of life

As sure as the sun rises,
So will it set
As sure as we were born,
So shall we die
As sure as we laugh
So shall we cry
As sure as we dance
So shall we mourn
As sure as we meet
So shall we part
Its all part of nature

posted from Bloggeroid

Cycle of life

As sure as the sun rises,
So will it set
As sure as we were born,
So shall we die
As sure as we laugh
So shall we cry
As sure as we dance
So shall we mourn
As sure as we meet
So shall we part
Its all part of nature

posted from Bloggeroid

A Little Too Late?

There is an African saying that says a dying ear will not be healed despite all sorts of medication. It is true in my case. And in many other peoples lives; at least I am finally brave enough to admit the ugly truth.

How many times have I been down this road? How many times have I vowed that what was going to be the last time? For how long will I let myself down?

Its my fourth time in he hospital. My face filled with bruises and my bedsisde table filled with fresh, brightly colored roses bursting with life and tons of get well cards.

I am in a private room of course with a sign reading no visitors allowed because you see my husband is a respected man in the society. No one must know. He is the golden man. Handsome and filled with charisma. He emits power and respect that makes everyone who stands before him want to stand stairghter and to always refer to him as Mister or Mkubwa. I am of course the regal poised wife who always smiles politely and makes every woman wish to be me.

At least this time I managed to let my sister know where I was. Lonliness can be too much sometimes that I would rather have my sister tell me I told you so than to stare at the blinding white of the hospital walls keeping me captive.

I tell myself that I dont know how things got bad or what changed but deep down I know its a lie. I know exactly what happened. I was not blind; I just chose to look the other way. I didn't want to be the fool who let the man with great potential go. I was momentarily blinded by stupid hope for a happy ever after where the frog turns into a fine prince after seeing the errors of his ways and whisks my away into a golden sunset. 

It all started by a remark that seemed harmless, then an insult followed by lavish gifts. Time came with money, prosperity and of course arrogance and the rest was history.

I knew I was in trouble but how could I leave when he was running for office? Then I was the lady besides mheshimiwa. Another name for a puppet. "How can you leave mheshimiwa?" They say. "You have everything. Stop whining and count your blessings" Well my blessings landed me here with more than a broken bone and no self worth.

I blame myself. I was warned more than once but I was too head strong. You see I was in love. The roses, the gifts and the sweet words made things a little confusing.Its been years; almost half of my life gone like dew before the morning sun. I have forgoten how to laugh and how to live. I hope its not too late for me to pick up the little pieces that are still left.

PURE LOVE

I see him and my heart melts
His smile makes my feet shake
The sound of his voice makes my insides feel warm
And a touch  of his hand makes me feel loved
If this is not love
Then I dont know what love is

He holds his hand in mine with pride
And his eyes light up with joy when am in sight
He seeks me out for comfort
Just as he does when hurt and needs help
Wouldn't you say this is love?

I hold his head on my chest
As he falls asleep every evening
He sights in his sleep
And I know that he too is contented
I know he loves me too

So go to sleep little nephew of mine
Aunty is watching over you

I Give Up

I give up
Yes
I give up
I raise my hands in surrender
And admit I that I cannot do it anymore
I am not weak
Oh no am not
But I give up
Just because I realize
That I am actually stronger
Stronger than those jeering faces
Those prejudiced voices
Trying to make me conform
I give up trying to fit in
Because I am different
And different is okay
I give up
Yes I give up
And I am not going to hang my head I shame
Just because I accept that I am different
And different is not wrong

Dance of The Dead

I dance on this grave with mirth
I sing with glee as i twist and turn
I have never been this merry
You may say I am cold
I will say you are right
Because it's true
Beneath the soil am dancing on
Is the old me
The old me full of stupid ignorance
Along with my warm heart
Buried deep down the soil
The old me that was killed by the society
Expecting too much from me
Now am happy
Dancing around with my cold heart
That cares nothing of the hypocritical society
That killed the good old me.

posted from Bloggeroid

Ashamed to be Kenyan

Will I be painted a traitor when I say I am no longer proud to be a Kenyan? 

Will I be labeled a whites man groupie when i say id rather go away to the white mans land?

What will you call me when I say all I think of is the other world depicted as Canaan 

Far away from this God forsaken Egypt?

Call me a traitor I say again

But every time  I close my eyes i see i dream of smooth roads

I dream of my little son playing in a colorful gym as i look on

I dream of a life 

where my hard work pays off fairly

Not where the boss takes what is rightfully yours

I long for a government that will take care of its retirees

Who contributed to the fund only to be left out in the cold

I long for a government 

Which will let my taxes work for me

Not one that makes me pay tax for the litattle chicken i keep

For that visitor who drops in unannounced

Or for my children during the festive season

I am ashamed of my government

I ashamed of my leaders

I am proud to be Kenyan,

But am not proud to be this kind of  Kenyan

Mraia

she walks and swings

her wares on her woven head

her skin is dark

her lips are thick with a natural pout

she ties her kanga but bares her breast

and ahead she forges

they call her mraia,

i call her super woman 

she tends her goats and cooks the meals

its in the hot dessert sun but she does it all

they say she is backward

i admire her resilience

while we have all transformed

to the white man's way

she keeps strong 

with her fat from the goats

and traditional body markings

she weaves her house and weaves her beads

she walks with pride and holds her head high

I and I

l took a chance I took  wrong turn,

I made a choice I picked the wrong side

I said I lacked courage I know I lied

I wonder sometimes if I did right

Most of the times I hope i never find out

I gaze ahead my eyes are glazed

I see nothing there is a haze blocking my sight

I dream I wish I hope

I am afraid to reach out

I might and yet grasp nothing

I wonder I am scared

I know it could be that day

It could be that day I dread

I hope its not

I know its coming

I know I will never be ready

Adventure to the desert

 Its true that you have to open your palms wide, let go of what you have and what you know to receive something new.
New things mean change and change is never easy. It requires courage. it requires us to rise to the challenge and step out of our comfort zone in order to gain something better. Despite the reward promised at the end of the long process, we still remain hesitant to make the first step towards making a chnge
Why is she talking about change; you may ask. Today marks my first month in the Kenyan dessert.
That marks the biggest change I've ever made in my life. I took a leap of faith and somehow found myself sitted in a crowded country bus heading to a destination I knew nothing of other than its really dry , hot and full of people dying from malnutrition; I was wrong.

With every bump and every sharp corner or steep slope I kept on asking myself ; am I doing the right thing? Everyone kept telling me that nothing was worth the desert conditions but my defiant spirit wanted to prove them wrong even though I was never sure of anything.

After nine hours of a harrowing journey, I reached my destination.
While I was used to lush carpet grass from the hilly Uasin Gishu region. I was welcomed with a gust of sandy wind and a cushion of coarse sand under my feet. No grass was in sight.
While I was used to air conditioned shopping malls and fancy food joints all I could see were rows of dusty items in dingy buildings they called supermarkets and the only food joints were those selling differently cooked goat meet or "pilau" from our Muslim brothers.

The desert town is packed with speeding motorcycles with no regard for traffic rules but hey its almost like a ghost town (read lawless) as far as traffic rules are concerned. Its the one place where its safer for a pedestrian to walk in the middle of the road than on the far side.

Its been three months now and I have been dancing to the desert tune since then and getting better by the day. I can say am glad I took a step to the unknowne next till the adventure comes.

Kenyan Life

every day we toil
from sun rise to sunset
we plaster a smile on
and brave the wild world
we are grateful for tiny blessings
we cushion the scattered bumps
ahead we forge
with the hope of a better future
we get pulled back
every now and then
we fall on our bums
but like a phoenix we rise
we rise we rise we rise
we shake the dust off and move on
its the only way we know

Good Bye

I remeber that sad morning,
When we choose to walk our different paths,
The sun mourned with me,
And the cold weather mirrored my broken beart,
Every step I took,
Shattered the already broken pieces,
I braved the cold as I willed my tears not to fall,
I held my head high and fought to walk staight,
I smiled and waved goodbye,
I was dying inside.
I could not fathom,
Why I was not enough?
Why did you say the things you said?
Then burst my bubble,
And let me tumble from the ninth cloud to hell?
I loved you but that was all in vein.
I hope that one day I will forget you,
But until then I hope you remain in my unconsious mind

posted from Bloggeroid

Falcon

In the depth of the abbys a falcon rose,
Strong, regal, beautiful- a sight to behold
A long cry from what was
A broken bird,
On the brim of sure death,
Eyes glazed with defeat,
A faltering cry,
A quiet wail for help,
A fledging spirit on the verge of giving up,
Then a tiny flame of resolve flickers
Flickers and burns bright
A resolve to restore
The true beauty of a falcon
A beauty robbedby arrogance and malevolence,
A trench of emotional turmoil,
Dug out by continous flow of scathing undertones,
Countinous undertones that eventually break,
Even hard rocks gives way to strong waves,
But no more,
Feathers preened,
Beautiful, firm and elegant
Perching with the head held high like on a pedestal,
A sure sign of defiance and strength,
She is a falcon after all

posted from Bloggeroid

Jesus the Bearer of Hope

It is silent now on that ugly hill,
The mocking crowds have gone their way
And mourning friends, who had followed him,
In grief had laid their Lord away.

His disciples meet behind closed doors,
In unbelief, sorrow and fear,
Their hopes have fled in the days just past,
And the pain seems too much to bear.

In their dark room filled with pain,
With unbelief sorrow and fear,
Suddenly came the risen Lord,
And drove away every tear.

To the weary heart in a room thats
Closed by fear, sorrow, doubt and pain,
The saviour comes with his loving touch,
And brings hope and piece again.

How sweet his voice that brings such peace,
That lets us know anew,
That though our path is often hard,
He is with us to see us through

posted from Bloggeroid